Running a Cake Business with RSD: A Personal Journey

I am a late diagnosed, 37 year old female with ADHD and DLD, diagnosed in May 2024. I discovered rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) when I first referred myself for ADHD and autism assessments and started researching what it was all about. It was through this research that I came across something that finally clicked for me: this is what I’ve been dealing with all along.

Learning about RSD was a game changer for me. It made me realise how much it has affected how I feel and also run my cake business. RSD is something that impacts me daily, often without me even realising it until a later date.

Before I knew about RSD, I did things in my business that are now clearly connected. For instance, I’d be terrified to post photos of my work that I didn’t feel confident in. I’d overthink the way I posted online, constantly worrying about what people might think. I avoided showing my face in fear of rejection and judgement.

In 2016, I had a customer leave me a harsh, negative review of a cake I’d made. That moment crippled me. I almost gave up on my business because I couldn’t handle the rejection. I thought I wasn’t good enough, I worried about what everyone would think of me, I didn’t know how I would move on from it. It was all I could focus on, even thought it was the only negative feedback I had ever received. It was weeks before I could get over it.

RSD is very physical. It not just negative thoughts, it can present itself as actual pain. Your whole body can ache, your chest feels like it's caving in, tension headaches/migraines, or even nausea/sickness. It can make you emotionally dysregulated, turn into anger, sadness or anxiety.

But there are ways to reduce these feelings - hang in there!

Looking back, I can now see that RSD has played a huge role in how I’ve navigated my business over the years. My confidence fluctuates, which I know happens to everyone. But for me, it’s much more intense, and the wedding industry is already a high pressure area to work in. Who doesn’t want to look good, impress clients, and collaborate with the right suppliers?

RSD shows up in the way I communicate with clients and suppliers. I often overthink how I respond to emails and messages, rereading them multiple times to make sure I’m not saying anything that might offend or upset anyone. Social communication is already hard for me; I’m very black and white and to the point. I don’t sugarcoat things, and that often makes me feel like I’ll come across the wrong way. I also have this constant fear of making mistakes and looking unprofessional. Even after I have sent that message, I will constantly wonder if I said the right thing.

On the flip side, I can also overthink other people’s emails. When I get a response, my brain instantly assumes I’ve said something wrong. I’ll put off reading the email for days in fear of a negative reply. If I don’t hear back from a client, I automatically assume they aren’t happy. I’ve learned that this is my RSD, making the situation feel worse than it really is.

When a client decides not to book with me, I can spiral with emotions. I feel annoyed with myself, frustrated, upset. I causes an overwhelming urge to ask, What did I do wrong? Even though deep down I know that it’s not always about me, I still feel rejected. It’s like my entire self worth is tied to these external validations, and I’m constantly looking for proof that I’m good enough.

RSD used to affect how I approach pricing and boundaries. I would seriously undercharge, offering a service that was more than I was paid, just to avoid the fear of disappointing a client. I said yes to almost every order because I didn’t want to say no and risk rejection. But now, I’ve got better at sticking to my boundaries. I’ve learned to say no to orders that don’t align with my style or capabilities, and I no longer feel like I have to over deliver just to prove myself.

Still, I do struggle with procrastination. When I fear criticism, it’s easy to put things off, especially when it comes to posting on social media or responding to emails. I know I should just get it done, but the fear of rejection can be paralysing. It is easier to not do something than have the anxiety of rejection. 

RSD can look a lot like jealousy. When I see other cake businesses succeeding in areas I’ve struggled with, it’s hard not to feel like I’m falling behind. I wonder why I haven’t been able to achieve the same things. But I remind myself that every business is different. We all have our own journeys and struggles, and just because someone else is succeeding doesn’t mean I’m not capable of doing the same.

I’ve learned to channel these feelings into motivation. It’s not easy, but having someone to talk through these feelings with, whether it’s a friend or a coach, helps me put things in perspective.

When someone else succeeds, it can trigger feelings of inadequacy and fear of being left behind, rather than a desire for what they have. It’s not that you’re wishing for their success, but rather that their achievements make you question your own worth. This emotional intensity comes from that fear of being rejected or not being good enough.

If you’re reading this and struggling with RSD, I completely sympathise. There is no quick fix, but over time, it can get easier. One of the most helpful things I’ve done is start challenging my negative thoughts. When I start spiralling, I try to focus on the positives, remind myself of my accomplishments, and keep my brain busy with affirmations. It’s not perfect, but it helps.

And whatever you do, don’t compare your journey to anyone else’s. Your business is yours, and your path will look different from others’. Set goals that are aligned with your journey and remember that we don’t always reach our goals in one go. Be kind to yourself, and know that even if it feels like you’re stuck, you’re still making progress.

If any of this resonates with you, please know—you’re not alone. RSD can feel overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to run your business. I offer 1:1 sessions where we can talk through how it shows up for you, work through your specific challenges, and find practical ways to build your confidence and clarity in your cake business. You don’t have to navigate this by yourself.

You’re also warmly invited to join The Cake Pro Academy—a supportive, no-judgement community of cake makers who get it. Whether you're dealing with low confidence, RSD, or just need a space to talk business with others who understand, you’ll find connection, encouragement, and real strategies that help.

Ready to feel more confident in yourself and your business? [Book a free discovery call here] or [join The Cake Pro Academy today].

Let’s work together to help you feel proud, empowered, and in control of your cake journey.

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